This Is A List. It Has Some Items.

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Gentle Reader,

So here’s a brief recap of what’s been going on here this Fathers’ Day Weekend…

1. That BLINDING light you saw today in the southeast? It was my legs. In a swimsuit. Because I was in a swimming pool. It had to be done because there are important things in the near future for which I cannot resemble snow. But still, my apologies for any permanent vision impairment.

2. DID YOU KNOW YOU COULD PUT EGGS ON PIZZA????? Madness! Delicious madness!

3. In addition to her raw-infused, locally-made, grain-free, gluten-free, nutritionally-balanced kibble, Brix decided tonight that she would dine on a raw sweet potato (filched from the pantry, her Happiest Place On Earth), a dirty washcloth, and a disposable razor.

4. She (and let’s face it, Backus, because he does everything she does) is not our first dog to eat a disposable razor. (HOW DO THEY GET THEM???? IT’S NOT LIKE WE LEAVE THEM HANGING OUT AT DOG-HEIGHT!) Sigh.

5. Which makes the fact that I finally got their AKC registrations taken care of today all the more poignant. Because a dog that eats used toiletries OBVIOUSLY needs a classy name like, “The Sir’s High Degrees Brix”. And her brother, who just chewed on some silk ficus tree leaves for an hour, needs a name like, “Lauren’s Backus Vertical Tasting”.

6. Because we’re TOTALLY going to show these specimens of their breed. Just as soon as they stop eating used kleenex and chewing on my flip-flops.

7. I’d make some kind of joke about breeding them, too, but honestly that wouldn’t even be funny at this point. If Brix shows up pregnant, we’re going to drink. Tequila. Heavily.

8. And while I wait for the Benadryl that I may or may not have slipped into their Night Cheese to take effect, I’ve started watching “New Girl”, season one, again. Glorious.

Happy Fathers’ Day to all the dads. Hug your baby bears tight, and open the best bottle of wine first!!!
Goodnight,
Lauren

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