In order to tell you a little bit more about the two newest members of our little nuclear unit, I recently sat down and interviewed the puppies. Below are excerpts:
Interviewer: Hi gang! How are you guys doing? Settling in okay?
Brix: We’re pretty good, we’re getting settled in. It’s a bit disappointing that these people seem intent on starving us, and the way they monitor the toilet paper is nothing short of fascist, but I suppose there are worse situations.
Backus: Aren’t I handsome?
Int.: Those are some really unusual names, do you have any idea where your person got those?
Br.: I’m named after the unit of measurement of the sugar content in different things. Apparently it’s important to wine. Which is something that I hear a LOT about around here, though I’m not allowed in the wine cellar by myself. Fascists.
Ba.: I have no clue, but aren’t I handsome? (Ed. Note: He is named after this vineyard. Also, this bottle of wine. One of daddy’s and my favorite bottles, ever. It should also be noted that now that I have three Labradors, I can no longer afford to purchase current release wine from this vineyard, let alone a library wine.) (Or a can of store-brand corn, for that matter.)
Int.: What’s your favorite thing to do?
Br.: Play with my new BFF, Cody. He loves it when I chew on his ears, but his most favorite thing is when I take his rawhide away from him. His growls make the floor reverberate with friendship.
Ba.: I like to fight the cat.
Int.: What’s your favorite thing to eat?
Both: TOILET PAPER!!!
Br.: And geraniums. And mud.
Ba.: And sticks. And patio furniture.
Int.: Where do you sleep?
Ba.: We sleep in a crate in our person’s room. It’s awesome. We go in and we get treats. (Like, for reals. We walk into the crate, and this idiot goes bananas and tells us how awesome we are and GIVES US EXTRA TREATS. Clearly her degrees are from correspondence colleges.) There are blankets and she leaves toys and chews in there for us, but the best part is that she put these cardboard moving boxes in there for us. We take turns climbing them and shredding them while our person sleeps. She finds the noise soothing. (Ed. Note: No, she does not.)
Int.: Tell me what a typical day is like for you.
Br.: We’ve been waking up around 3 or sometimes 4. It was pretty sweet at first because we got breakfast then and played and climbed and chewed on our person as she tried to sleep on the patio table. But she was getting pretty crabby by the end of the day so eventually she caught wise to our game. Now we get up at 3 or 4, and we go outside to “transact business” and also kind of check in with her and make sure nothing interesting is going on (Ed. Note: NOTHING IS, QUIT IT.) and then we go back to bed.
Ba.: But we get up at 6 or so to have breakfast. And then we play outside while our person checks her email and does some writing and then watches some TV.
Br.: Then we go in, and we hang out in her office while she attempts to do “real” work. We help her by chewing on the printer/copier (I xeroxed my ear the other day!) and then opening the office door and running around in the rest of the house. She gets her exercise that way.
Ba.: Until lunch and more playtime outside.
Br.: Then we take a nap. I assume our person plans more fun activities for us while we do that. After that, we play until the best part of the day–the golf cart ride.
Ba.: I get snuggled on that!
Br.: I get to see animals!
Br.: And then we get dinner. And before bed, the people do something called “television”. It bores me silly. So I race around the bedroom trying to stay awake.
Ba.: I love it! Except so sleepy!
Br.: He’s an idiot. Everybody knows the object of the game is to NOT SLEEP EVER.
Ed. Note: At this point, both of them usually crash. Followed shortly by me. 3 or 4 in the morning comes early, yo.
I hope that gives you a better perspective into the Wee Beasties. Back tomorrow!