Jesus Makes Pizza…AND TORNADOES

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Gentle Reader,

So Friday afternoon, I battled through a randomly terrible traffic day on Central Expressway (Friday afternoons in the summer are supposed to be light on traffic, Dallas…please read your memos next time.) and picked up Aidan and Archer at camp to spend the night with us at the ranch while their Mama and Daddy moved.  (Side note, let’s all take a moment and be jealous at the fortune of picking THIS particular weekend to move.  I mean, moving in July, in Texas.  They’re clearly living right, people.)

Anyway, I was driving back to the ranch and the boys were chattering in the back and I eventually zoned out and just paid attention to the road (it’s a boring drive to the ranch, you gotta do what you gotta do) and suddenly something kind of made me focus in on the conversation again.  I think it was some kind of brotherly squabble (Which?  Those are endlessly fascinating to this only child.) and apparently some kind of elevated level of “Rock, Paper, Scissors” was happening.  After weaponry escalated quickly to “super mega infinity infinity infinity a million” levels, one of the boys (Aidan, if I’m betting, but I don’t remember.) busts out the deity card.  “Jesus beats [Archer’s preferred weaponry]”.  Because, OBVIOUSLY.  And then a theological discussion of sorts ensued.  And those two are on an ENTIRELY DIFFERENT THEOLOGICAL PLANE than my Old Testament-preferring self, because if I gather correctly, Jesus is the best because “Jesus makes pizza.” (per Aidan), “…AND TORNADOES” (per Archer).

I had absolutely nothing of value to contribute to that discussion so I just observed.  And tried to hide my giggles.

Anyway, we got back to the ranch where dinner was hastily served, because both boys were STARVING.  I mean, about to pass slap out from the hunger.  Snack having been over an hour ago.  (Having had Labradors, I was actually familiar with this particular phenomenon, so we were prepared.)  Also, I wanted to get them fed in time to go by the Dairy Queen to get a Blizzard before their bedtime.  (Listen, I’ll take any excuse I can get, and those were two FANTASTIC excuses.)

While I will feed them ice cream at every available opportunity, I will also make vegetables available to them at every opportunity.  Candace, observe:


Homemade chicken nuggets (which turned out pretty darn delicious), tater tots, and veggies.  Because we believe in dipping here.

And, proof of vegetal consumption:


Cody, it should be noted, LOVED having the boys to play with.  And snack with.

So after dinner, I started to get everybody excited to go to DQ, and Aidan asked how far away the place was.  And I told him it was about 10 minutes away, and he asked if he had to go.  Obviously the boy was near death, so I grew concerned.   He was exhausted from a day at the water park, and didn’t want to go get ice cream.  (I KNOW, RIGHT????!?)  So I told him to make it okay with his little brother and if they both could agree, then we’d stay at the ranch and have ice cream sandwiches and watch a movie.  I didn’t hear the conversation, so I have no idea how much of it was, “I’m the big brother and so what I say goes”, but somehow, Archer was bribed/made agreeable.  So that’s what we did.

And here it should be noted that I am AMAZED at how many movies feature anthropomorphic snails.  And now, after having the boys at the ranch for less than 24 hours, Netflix thinks I should watch ALL OF THEM.  I think it’s a part of the scorpions plan for eventual dominion.

Anyway, snail movie watched, the boys went to bed.  And foolishly I assumed they would pass out dead to the world in a matter of minutes (because that’s how I work now), but they asked for my iPad so they could watch another movie on it.  I said that I’d let them watch a movie until 8:40 PM, but that their Mama had told me I was supposed to be firm on bedtime.  (And I don’t mess around with bedtimes.  I’ll be a total pushover on anything else, but sleep is a precious thing, and it’s too delicately balanced.)  So they watched a football movie, which they assured me was a PG rating, and after I determined that it didn’t star DeNiro, Pacino, or a pre-Shrek Eddie Murphy, I believed them.   I tried to encourage “Hoosiers”, but that was met with less enthusiasm.  But there’s always next time.  I’ll bend my bedtime rules for “Hoosiers”.

Now that Netflix thinks I’m a 13 year-old boy, I have to go back and reset somethings, I think…

So the boys slept soundly and woke up at 7:00 AM, ready to greet the day.  With vigor.  And zero regard for my Two Hours Of Silence rule.  Or my need for caffeine.  We got up, and decided to go look for zebra.  Only since it was chilly, the boys needed to borrow some outerwear.


And Archer’s never been so stylish as in my mom’s warmup jacket.

Then we loaded up in the golf cart and went zebra hunting.  We found none.  No zebra, three little old whitetail deer, the flock of geese, and not even a squirrel.  The animals must have been taking the morning off, too.  Except the geese.  They’re ALWAYS there.  And always, erm, recycling.

Anyway, after the hunting expedition, we came back and had the regulation healthy breakfast of peach cobbler, ice cream, and hot chocolate.  You know, to warm up after the frigid 65 degree weather.


And after that, we had a quiet morning, and drove back into town to meet up with their Mama and Daddy.  Cody was exhausted and slept the rest of the day, as did his two people, if we’re honest.  🙂

And that was our weekend.  It is so fun to watch these two become their own people.  Archer is just funny sometimes, and Aidan is really developing a sense of wit and timing.  Which is really quite rare, so I’m encouraging it.

Hope y’all had a fun time as we did.



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