Live Blogging My Gingivitis

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Gentle Reader,

So tonight, Mama and I are catching up on “Call the Midwife”.  And we’re watching the episode where they go to the women’s prison to provide midwifery.  I love this show, but this particular prison?  Adorably clean and well-lit.  And these women have the best hairdos of any prisoners I have ever seen.  Plus, these women have amazing teeth for anybody relying on institutional dentistry.

Speaking of dentistry (or perhaps prisons), today I went to the dentist for the first time in two or three years.  (I know, I know.  But in my defense, the only dentist I have ever gone to was in the process of retiring over the last few years, and the office was a bit out of the way, and I was busy and plus they POKE ON MY TEETH THERE.  And I like my teeth-they help me eat.)

So I went to a new dentist here closer to The Ranch.  All I have to say is that dental technology has advanced in the last, oh, three decades.  The office has water features (which aren’t so much technological advances but they are pretty and make everything seem all calm and clean) and a coffee machine/system featured in only the more upscale Starbucks locations.  Plus a refrigerator of water bottles and baskets of sugar-free candy hanging around.  And wi-fi.

And in the “treatment rooms” (which sounds like a spa, only trust me…nothing relaxing or comfy happens in there…) they have televisions mounted above the chairs, and no kidding, I saw my skull in 3D today.  Plus, wi-fi in there, too!  So it was all very dazzling.  (Did I mention wi-fi?)

Which made their analysis no less cringe-worthy.  Apparently I am continuing my journey into meth mouth without the excitement of the actual meth.  My back teeth are, in fact, more filling and root canal than real tooth.  And while I don’t know precisely what he meant, “there’s a hole in #18” is never a good thing to hear, except in golf.

So I get to have three fillings and at least one root canal.  And because I heart me some dentistry far more than a fun new handbag, the root canal has to be done by a Special Dentist.  (The technical term.)  I have no idea what that entails, except the assistant lady said, “They have microscopes.”  Listen.  I love talking. All.  The.  Talking.  I do it well.  But my mouth is weirdly NOT BIG ENOUGH for a MICROSCOPE.  I wonder if I can pay extra to have the microscope stay on the lab bench?

But the nice lady assured me that while I get to spend all day at the dentist here in a week or so, I can bring my iPad and laptop and play my television on the TV screens, or even surf the web while the fun with microscopes is happening.  (Because did I mention wi-fi?)

I’m going to go ahead and confess that I will be drugged, and apologize in advance for what I’m sure will be an even special-er blog post than usual.  If I happen to tell you about my senior year of college?  It’s all hypothetical, trust me.



PS-All levity aside, please know that conditions in prisons are quite horrid, and the treatment of the prisoners experienced in the “Midwife” episode?  Still happens today.  And we’re better than that.  Visit, observe, write your legislators.

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