Items Requiring Your Swift Attention

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Gentle Reader,

I just posted on a friend’s FB about these issues, and then I realized that, really, everybody needed to know these important happenings in my life.  It’s a public service, honestly.  And I should go ahead and let you know that three of these things are about television, so SPOILERS AHEAD.

(Really.  SPOILERS.)

1.  Scout the Ranch Cat/Trained Killer allowed me to pet her for a measurable amount of time this afternoon, while she was fully awake and alert.  After she was done with my petting her, she pushed my hand away and held it with her paw for several minutes.  No hissing, no biting.  I’m still shocked by this overt display of tolerance.

2.  I’m two episodes behind on “The Blacklist”.  (SPOILERS!)  But let me say that I am completely ready for Tom to reach a painful, tortured, slow, ignominious end.  At the hands of Lizzie.  And Reddington.  Together.  It would be a totally tender and Instagrammable moment.

3.  I am LOVING this season of “The Americans”.  LOVING.  Nuance!  Questions of wrong and right!  Loyalty!  Love!  All interspersed amongst spy stories, and who doesn’t love those????  And I’ll come out and say I am SO HAPPY with their new handler.  She and that newbie-spy ditz give the show some hilarious-yet-tense moments.

4.  “The Mindy Project”.  LET’S DISCUSS.  The kiss!!!!  And then a TWO AND A HALF MONTH WAIT.  And then they couldn’t even give me one whole episode of Mindy + Danny???????  Wordie Angry.  Also, less Peter, more British Doctor, please.

And with that-

Goodnight,

Wordie

I’ve Never Loved A Dentist More

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Gentle Reader,

So over the weekend, Mama and I kept revisiting the whole “Special Dentist Issue”.  And not having dental insurance, and with assurances that I could have plenty of novocaine and Valium, I was trying to be a grownup and NOT have the IV sedation that I so desperately wanted  needed.  Because in the long run, I really wanted a few bottles of Insignia and maybe a bottle of Backus in June, instead of paying the anesthesiologist.  (Never let it be said that I am not a fan of delayed gratification–we have been known to hold on to Backus for 15, 16 whole years.  So, that bottle I would have bought in June wouldn’t be opened until nearly 2030.)  (No, I can’t think about that fact, either.  Let’s just not.  And we’ll pretend that we’re still as young in 2030 as when we bought the bottle.)

But Mama wisely pointed out that this is serious surgery that will be happening, and it will basically involve me standing on my head (though I’ll be in that little chair thing, I’ll be leaned all the way back into a Cirque du Soleil-esque position) while they use the microscopes and the tears of blind nuns to heal my rogue teeth.  And she gently reminded me that I am a neurotic nervous patient even for just routine stuff.  And that though we are paying the Special Dentist to incur the business risk of operating on the back teeth of nervous folk, he still might really appreciate not being bitten by a neurotic patient with trust issues.  So I put the bottles of Insignia back on the mental shelf and called them yesterday to ask for the IV sedation.

But all is not gloom-in the hour of my (Insignia) loss, the Special Dentist had to reschedule my root canal to coincide with the anesthesiologist’s schedule, too!  So I have a week or so reprieve from dental anguish.  Which frankly is awesome news.  (See?  I’m all ABOUT delaying things!)

Anyway-the other news around here is that we now have at least three of the baby zebra running around.  We didn’t see them Sunday or yesterday, but they were right beside our house on Saturday.  Apparently now the revised number expected is six.  We are concerned now about startling the herd and risking them starting to run and trampling a baby zebra who is less sure-footed.  So I’m not stalking them and taking lots of pictures until they get a bit bigger and better able to hold their own.  Besides, you’ve seen one stripe-y horse?  You’ve seen them all.

Unless one decides to be born with plaid.  Then I’ll be sure to document it for you.

Goodnight,

Wordie

Call The [Zebra] Midwife!

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Gentle Reader,

Yesterday I went into town to meet a sweet friend from Vandy who was back in town for Easter.  We had so much fun catching up over margaritas and fajitas!  And I learned that apparently everybody has an Apartment Flood Experience at least once in their lives.  Funnily, none of us enjoy the experience.  Though my friend A soon after married a cute boy and has cute kids and seriously good hair so she clearly showed that apartment flood who was Boss.  Anyway, it was SO MUCH FUN, A!  Thank you for lunch!

As I was driving back into the Ranch, the road to our house was closed, and I was left combing the back roads trying to find a way to get back to the house without having to break too many traffic laws (like the seriously un-fun prohibition on driving on boat docks, etc.).  While I was getting totally lost, I noticed our Animal Lady’s golf cart parked at the end of one street.  (We all know each other’s cars and golf carts, because as I have said before-it’s a college dorm, only with boat storage.)  She was standing there very quietly, so I figured something was happening…

And I was right!  We have at least one new baby zebra that you’ll see in these pics:

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(I know, I know…I hate it when people take my picture while I’m having my backside groomed, too, but you remember my long-held position on not going to see people in the hospital right after they have had a baby?  That is no place for non-partner visitors.  Ever.  Well, in much the same way, I’m not going to get too close to a new-mama zebra, either.  The girl needs her privacy, after all.  So these are all on like, 11x zoom.  And taken quickly and quietly.)

And then tonight, we found the zebra in what appears to be a Zebra Maternity Hospital set up in our Animal Lady’s backyard.  (BREAKING NEWS:  We have two baby zebra now.  And better pics than I was able to get tonight.)

So the second Baby Zebra, which is as yet of an indeterminate gender:

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The Mama Zebra’s name is, well, “Mom”.  (I need a zebra identification and name history lesson sometime…)

Anyway, the rest of the herd is hanging out in the yard (I’m sure the big bowls of Zebra Kibble that she put out have nothing whatsoever to do with this!  Though it’s a really great idea because it keeps them where she can keep an eye on the herd and intervene if trouble happens and also it keeps the paparazzi-that would be me-from getting too friendly at a delicate time.) and I got a few pictures of the Maternity Ward.

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Again-on like 11x zoom.  I’m reminded of the line from “Greater Tuna” (greatest stage play of all time, BTW)…”you just give Mother Nature a little space and she won’t try to kill ya.”  Which is a philosophy I can get behind.

And with that, there is some red wine needing my attention.

If this weekend finds you celebrating, I hope Sunday morning dawns warm and sunlit for you.  Love always wins.  Hallelujah.

Goodnight,

Wordie

Live Blogging My Gingivitis

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Gentle Reader,

So tonight, Mama and I are catching up on “Call the Midwife”.  And we’re watching the episode where they go to the women’s prison to provide midwifery.  I love this show, but this particular prison?  Adorably clean and well-lit.  And these women have the best hairdos of any prisoners I have ever seen.  Plus, these women have amazing teeth for anybody relying on institutional dentistry.

Speaking of dentistry (or perhaps prisons), today I went to the dentist for the first time in two or three years.  (I know, I know.  But in my defense, the only dentist I have ever gone to was in the process of retiring over the last few years, and the office was a bit out of the way, and I was busy and plus they POKE ON MY TEETH THERE.  And I like my teeth-they help me eat.)

So I went to a new dentist here closer to The Ranch.  All I have to say is that dental technology has advanced in the last, oh, three decades.  The office has water features (which aren’t so much technological advances but they are pretty and make everything seem all calm and clean) and a coffee machine/system featured in only the more upscale Starbucks locations.  Plus a refrigerator of water bottles and baskets of sugar-free candy hanging around.  And wi-fi.

And in the “treatment rooms” (which sounds like a spa, only trust me…nothing relaxing or comfy happens in there…) they have televisions mounted above the chairs, and no kidding, I saw my skull in 3D today.  Plus, wi-fi in there, too!  So it was all very dazzling.  (Did I mention wi-fi?)

Which made their analysis no less cringe-worthy.  Apparently I am continuing my journey into meth mouth without the excitement of the actual meth.  My back teeth are, in fact, more filling and root canal than real tooth.  And while I don’t know precisely what he meant, “there’s a hole in #18” is never a good thing to hear, except in golf.

So I get to have three fillings and at least one root canal.  And because I heart me some dentistry far more than a fun new handbag, the root canal has to be done by a Special Dentist.  (The technical term.)  I have no idea what that entails, except the assistant lady said, “They have microscopes.”  Listen.  I love talking. All.  The.  Talking.  I do it well.  But my mouth is weirdly NOT BIG ENOUGH for a MICROSCOPE.  I wonder if I can pay extra to have the microscope stay on the lab bench?

But the nice lady assured me that while I get to spend all day at the dentist here in a week or so, I can bring my iPad and laptop and play my television on the TV screens, or even surf the web while the fun with microscopes is happening.  (Because did I mention wi-fi?)

I’m going to go ahead and confess that I will be drugged, and apologize in advance for what I’m sure will be an even special-er blog post than usual.  If I happen to tell you about my senior year of college?  It’s all hypothetical, trust me.

Goodnight,

Wordie

PS-All levity aside, please know that conditions in prisons are quite horrid, and the treatment of the prisoners experienced in the “Midwife” episode?  Still happens today.  And we’re better than that.  Visit, observe, write your legislators.

And Now For Some Light Housekeeping

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Gentle Reader,

A few odds and ends…except they’re all important and aren’t really odds and ends at all.

1.  Daddy’s service is scheduled for Friday, April 11, 2014 at 11:00 AM at Church of the Incarnation on McKinney Ave in Dallas.  Light lunch to follow in the Great Hall.  We’d love to see you there if you felt up to coming.

1 (b).  And I feel COMPLETELY WEIRD about this, because it’s like saying “no gifts” on an invitation…awfully presumptuous.  But we’re in Lent, and flowers are not allowed in the Church except for the one arrangement we’re doing.  So please no flowers.  We’d love it if you wanted to contribute to the Living Gift, because we were so, SO fortunate in that we had excellent health insurance and never had to make the horrifying choice between, say, eating and anti-rejection meds.  Not everybody is that fortunate.  Or, if you love flowers and want to share your love of flowers, please send them to someone who can enjoy them!  Better yet, take them yourself!  Visit with the recipient.  Or, if you want to not do any of that and just go out for a nice meal with your family instead, that’s also excellent.  Family dinner is critical.  Daddy would strongly support that.

2.  To the Sweet Neighbor Who Fixed Our Garage Door?  THANK YOU!!!!  We wish you had told us who you were!  We owe you vino.

3.  J, R, S, and Tantes?  Thank you so much for your sweet remembrance in Daddy’s name.  We love y’all a whole lot.

3 (b).  Thank you for the care package, too.  We loved it.  Went WELL with pinot.

4.  Cody, in furtherance of his plot to completely embarrass me and Labradors in general, discovered catnip this evening.  And he LOVES IT.  A lot. CATNIP.  Embarrassing.

5.  The Biscuits?  Not bad at all.  I remembered how to make them from “feel” rather than memory.  They weren’t QUITE as tender as I wanted, or as fluffy, but I think that’s because I cut the shortening into the flour a bit too much, and didn’t use enough buttermilk.  Also I made enough to feed a small army or perhaps a Boy Scout Jamboree.  Next time I’ll use less flour to start with.

5 (b).  So basically, I didn’t do anything right on the biscuits, but nobody died or wound up in the ER, so sometimes you just gotta count that as a win.

6.  The Wine Room.  Still not fixed.  Apparently Air Conditioning Repair is a giant skills gap area, and one company referred me to another, who referred me to a subsidiary of theirs, who didn’t want the business (like, really, I offered, “I understand if you’re busy this week, I’m willing to wait until next week if you want the business and want to book me for the next available appointment.”, and they said, “No.”  And didn’t refer me to anybody else, either.  I remain baffled.) and finally, there was a company who DID want the business, but the soonest they can get out is Monday.

In the meantime, the house is a balmy 58/60 degrees, with the air conditioning cranked up high.  The door to the room is propped open, and we’re prepared to start bringing in ice by the metric ton to keep it cool and humid if the temp in there inches much higher.  We have some old and crabby wine that insists on being treated gently.

7.  Parents?  Consider encouraging your children in their pursuit of the HVAC Repair Arts.  We’re getting desperate, and with each degree?  Our tolerance for budget-blowing repair work grows exponentially.

And with that…

Goodnight,

Wordie