By now, most of you know, but I wanted to share that Daddy died a week ago Saturday. It was kind of unexpected-but I think maybe we think it was so because we weren’t ready. Hospice made his last week a good deal more comfortable, and for that I am extraordinarily grateful. I just wanted more time.
Now, I am wearing this:
And the enormity of that is finally starting to hit me. I did a good job of being kinda perky and “EVERYTHING IS FINE, JUST FINE, WE’RE AWESOME AND GRATEFUL AND SEE HOW MUCH I’M SMILING? SMILING’S MY FAVORITE.” for a whole week, which was awesome. And then today I sat down at his/my desk, and started going through drawers so I could put my stuff in his/my desk. I was going through old notes of his-the man threw NOTHING AWAY, ever-and had put some out to the side to ask him whether he wanted them saved or not…
And that’s all I have to say about that.
So people, I have got to get back into my normal life. I want it back. People have been SO, SO excellent about loving on us, feeding us, coming over to check on us, and I am so very thankful for all of it. But I kind of feel like a two-year old on Christmas with all the Different and Unusual. I’ve tolerated it, it’s been good, but now I need a dark and quiet room and to lay down for an hour or two.
So in the spirit of me decompressing and trying mightily to return to the land of denial, I present to you, “Things I have been doing this week to pretend all is fine.” In list form.
1. Binge-watched season one of, “Arrested Development”. And fell in love with every. Single. Character. And Jason Bateman. Amen.
2. Shopped. A lot.
3. But some of it was for Mama so that is okay.
4. And some of it was wine ordering and contacting our various wineries to switch their contacts to me which is health food plus future planning. And both of those are necessary. For life.
5. Cultivated a new appreciation for spaghetti squash. Seriously, when the low-carb, glutens-are-the-devil thing first happened, I heard about it. But I had never had it until one of the lovely families in our neighborhood brought them over for dinner one night this week. Delightful! I will be visiting that gourd again.
6. Ate my body weight in pickles.
7. And pork and lotus root potstickers.
8. Then took some of Daddy’s Lasix.
9. Became weirdly fascinated with my new Nike Fuel Band. (See #s 2 and 3, above.) I’m obsessed with getting into the green dots for the day…I hate those blinky red dots. They mock me. And I know you don’t really “win” anything, but the Hours Won category? Small children and the elderly couldn’t get in my way in order to get to another one of those if I’m close.
10. Loved on Cody.
11. Decided that while Mama and I are definitely giving Christmas a pass this year, WE ARE HAVING AND CELEBRATING THANKSGIVING. It’s Our Thing. My favorite. Joy will be unconfined, even if I have to beat people into happiness. It will be different, but it will be epic. Menu planning has commenced.
12. Rewatched all of Z. Frank’s True Facts Youtube videos. Morgan Freeman’s my favorite, but they’re all hilarious.
13. Edited to add: I just made a pan of biscuits because it had been so long since I used my cast iron that I heard it crying in the cabinet the other day. I sincerely hope we’re not about to have okra and tomatoes and hockey pucks for dinner.
Have a great weekend!