The One Where The Fun Begins

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Gentle Reader,
Greetings! I know I keep saying that the blog will get more love from now on, so I won’t tell you that. It’s been a weird season in my life this year (not bad…weird…) and I honestly haven’t felt like bringing the entertaining and “interesting” here on the blog. Y’all demand a higher standard of rambling, and my blog would have been as high-quality as “Saved By The Bell: The College Years”. I just couldn’t do that to you. Nobody deserves that.
So marching forward, I’m moving to Russia! (You have A-L-L heard this news by now, so you aren’t allowed to be surprised.). (I, on the other hand, am allowed to have the “HOLY GOOGLY MOOGLY I AM MOVING TO RUSSIA IN 59 DAYS!!!!” conversation nearly every time I am alone with my thoughts.). And people are asking the obvious question and I was doing the “Why?” post but it is fairly personal (nothing weird or secret, but if I told you, I don’t know if it would make any sense…) and it got really clunky and not unlike a Judy Blume novel and haven’t we all read those already? So instead, I’ll try a little bit of an FAQ (indulge and allow me to think that there is indeed an “F” to the “AQ”) post!
1. The Boys??!???! WHAT ABOUT THE BOYS???
The Boys are very excited that Cooper gets to go live with his brudder full-time at The Ranch. Cody, in particular, needs and thrives on his brudder. Cooper has always been happy to be with Cody, but is also very happy being the only. But they are about to be 8, and flying to Russia in January is holy mackerel cold. The Sir doesn’t like the outdoors here, let alone over there where Winter is A Thing. Daddy is barely containing his glee at uninterrupted Cooper time.
(I cheated-this is one of my own questions.). I’ll let you know as soon as I know…Walter White is already packed and ready to go, but I’m having a hard time fitting James Spader as Reddington into my suitcase. He doesn’t travel lightly what with all the crap he buys each week. Art, houses, nuclear elements…I’m going to have to limit him.
3. Where will you live?
From last time, I remember that accommodations were “fluid” until literally while my roommate was in the air going to there. And by “fluid” I mean we had none. That I didn’t have a stroke about this is a medium-sized miracle as I very much enjoy the illusion of control and OMG ARE YOU BARKING CRAZY?!?! Hindsight? I think it was a healthy growing experience for me and honestly I’m not at all clanked about this now. Furnished efficiencies are very much the norm there. I’ve got a place to stay for a bit, things happen last-minute there (or at least it seems that way to me…). I am obviously the very picture of zen. 😉
4. Food?
Dining–Civilizations do not last millennia eating bad food. (Insert specific British joke here.). That’s always been my philosophy-there are some things there that I have missed that I am excited for. I had one thing over there that I truly just Could. Not. Do. It was a soup of some kind which was weird for me. I think Alton Brown has it right that dining is a communal thing, and I will never not eat a meal someone prepared for me. Haven’t gone wrong with that yet.
Shopping-I can sound out words with eh, a mini modicum of accuracy, given time and context. I probably will have to go food shopping alone because if I have someone with me doing me a favor and translating, (which is awesome and wonderful and lovely and I am always grateful) then I feel pressure to speed up and respect their time (because what could possibly be funner than WATCHING SOMEONE ELSE BUY GROCERIES AT A SNAIL’S PACE???) and I get nervous and that’s when I get overwhelmed. Groceries are an adventure and if I wind up with something totally opposite of what I was going for then I have enough confidence that I can probably make that work. In the summer, I LOVED their veggies and fruits and there are markets for these everywhere. Plus, they do baked goods there. Carbs. Bless them. Khachapuri is a cheese infused type bread that is definite proof of a Loving and Benevolent God Who wants us to be happy. It’s not fair to draw analogy to the French carbohydrate scene because it’s nearly apples to oranges but they definitely hold their own against the French. Just differently. Also-their crepes are delicious and much cheaper than France’s. And the JUICES! Galore! My insulin is having a seizure already. As far as cooking, I am going to find a friend and ply them with wine and scintillating television analysis in exchange for some Russian cooking afternoons. I do not think that I will be making much of my standard repertoire over there. For one thing, I don’t know how to say, “Brisket”, in Russian. I think I remember, “butter”, or is it, “cheese”? Either way, that’s a win.
5. What will you do?
6. Teach what?
Let’s chat over a martini about that. I’m reluctant about too specific here. If you think about it and know me, you can probably get close.
7. Mais, Wordie, tu parles Francais, pas Russie.
Oui. Tu souviens bien. I will be learning tres rapidement.
8. The Holidays?
I can’t think too hard about that. The thought of roasting a bird witho-…Nope. Can’t type that yet. I’ll let you know, though I’m betting it isn’t just a total tragedy. This? Is a First World Problem. They celebrate International Women’s Day there, by my logic that means that mama now gets TWO Mother-…Nope. Can’t type that one yet, either. I will be coming back for a visit at least each year, and this isn’t a forever move. The Great Republic is still Home.
9. Pictures!
Will someone teach me how to use the real camera to do interesting things? My iPhone, the Lazy Blogger’s Bestie, is limited. Or so I gather. But oh yes, there will be pictures.
10. Winter!!!??
Hold me.
And as a bonus, for hanging in through the rambling, a question you might never have thought to ask but the answer to which caused me enormous joy and relief…
11. The TP situation?
Because I’m sure you all remember my 2008 summer every night in your dream journals, you no doubt recall that I wasn’t altogether keen on the wide palette of TP colors adorning the aisles of the shops there. Every color except white. And keeping in mind this here is a family-friendly blog, I’ll merely state that I was unconvinced of the necessity of added dyes and colors to a product designed for that particular primary purpose. (She says as she enjoys a “blue” flavored Sour Brite Crawler…).
Anyway-I was surfing a store sale leaflet online to get an idea of how deep a well I’m going to have to drill to be able to eat over there, and I SAW KLEENEX COTTONELLE advertised! White! With the little Lab puppy shilling on the package! LET JOY BE UNCONFINED!!!!
(And don’t be that nerd who rains on the parade with the whole “yes, but chlorine bleach isn’t any better” analysis. Nobody likes that person.)
(Mama, you are SO, SO WELCOME for my discussing TP for two whole paragraphs on the blog.). (Next time? I’ll talk about toenails.)
Anyway-that’s the start. I promised mama I would blog daily so she would know I was safe, so if there is an area I missed that you were just itching to learn about, let me know…

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