Spring Cleaning

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Gentle Readers,

I’m doing spring cleaning.  Like, dusting the ceiling fans, sweeping AND mopping (still love the Febreeze lavender and vanilla scented wet mops), and alphabetizing the DVDs.  It was time.

1.  Does anybody know of a charity that takes used Labrador fur and makes it into something useful?  I have a healthy mix of blonde and black Labrador fur, so it would be fun and practical.

2.  Cleaning out the pantry is bittersweet, isn’t it?  Because it’s at the back recesses of the pantry that you discover the snack you had a craving for the other night but didn’t think you had, and were too lazy to go get.  And then the two cans of artichoke hearts that you forgot you had and went on a crazed 5:00 PM trip to the market to go get so you could finish your casserole.  And if you were a better person you would avoid cursing the traffic you sat in, the cashier who was CLEARLY overchallenged in her position, and the fact that artichoke hearts aren’t the cheapest vegetable on the block despite the fact that you love them.  And if you’re like me, the cash spent on the extra artichokes could have gone somewhere really fun.  (See point #3.)  And you also discover BOXES of pasta, each containing not a complete handful of pasta.  And of course, they are all different shapes and sizes and as such it’s not possible to throw them all into the pot next time there’s spaghetti on the menu.  Because the Pantry Fairy has quite a sense of humor, that gal.

3.  Let’s talk about my desk.  How does it always get taken over by some kind of paperwork detritus-leaving monster EVERY.  SINGLE.  DAY?  No matter how I try, at the end of the day, it’s usually a precariously constructed post-modern looking leaning tower of paperwork I can’t throw away yet don’t have a clue what to do with yet.  Had I not grown attached to the Internet and the Television (OH, THE TELEVISION) and The Magazines and The Vehicle (the bills for which are somewhere in the bowels of Mount Doom), and were I not ethically bound to hold on to client files, I’d just give it a good squirt down with something flammable (olive oil?  vodka?) light a match, and take The Boy to The Ranch for the weekend.  But, I live in hope that this year, spring cleaning will net me some kind of filing system and a renewed vigor toward keeping a clean desk at the end of each work day.

Anyway-that’s my weekend.  Hope yours is going great!

Goodnight,

Wordie

Oh, oh, oh!!!! SO GLAD TO VISIT WITH YOU!!!!!!!!

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(EDITED TO ADD:  Congratulations KL and NL on the newly discovered male nature of the Wee Little Lee!!!!)

Gentle Readers,

Sorry for my delay.  And I sincerely apologize for the list of random that you’re about to get hit with.  But I’m so glad to be back and visiting with you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

1.  Last week I spent some time in Huntsville, TX, for what amounts to summer camp for People Who Do What I Do.  It was nice to be around people like me (I know, Good Lord…as if one wasn’t enough…) and talk to them and to feel unalone.  Being self-employed, it gets lonely.  Plus, Huntsville is a sweet little town full of what seem to be really good people.

2.  Driving to and from Huntsville from The Ranch, I saw the bluebonnets.  They were thick, lush, like a blue carpet.  Bumper crop this year, and it just made me very happy and thankful for spring.  Even if we didn’t have a winter (and, according to you Hoosiers, even if we never have a winter, ever…).  I would have stopped to take some photos, but I didn’t have a sweet little baby or a puppy to plop down in the middle of a patch of bluebonnets, and in Texas to photograph a patch of bluebonnets without a sweet little baby or puppy plopped down in the middle is a 2nd degree felony.  But trust me, they are beautiful.  (Mama and Daddy, you’re welcome for my having neither of the appropriate bluebonnet accessories.)  And I think about the three years I missed them while I was up in Hoosier country, and I look extra hard, to make up for lost time.

3.  I promised you a gardening update.

What you are looking at there, is the garden in its “deconstructed” phase.  I’m really trying not to overparent this garden, to let it make its own decisions, and right now, it doesn’t seem to want to get into a “growth” phase.  I feel like it will grow when it is ready to.

4.  The reason for this?  I am currently watching “Toddlers and Tiaras” and a mom has just spent a good five minutes about the life skills that her FOUR MONTH OLD is gaining from doing pageants.  A)  If the child cannot walk, can the child really be considered a contestant in the pageant?  B)  I want you to tell me how you practice anything with a FOUR MONTH OLD besides natural, gravity-influenced, bodily functions.  C)  Overparenting scares me.  So, in an effort to keep my vegetables from feeling the pressure that competition can bring, I’m avoiding the temptation.

5.  I wore open toed shoes today for the first time this season.  To those of you who saw me, all I can say is, “I’m sorry.”  Pedicure will hopefully happen soon.

6.  Cooper really enjoys leftover Taco Bell.  I’ll leave the details at that.  It could be a long night.

Goodnight,

Wordie

Please Excuse Wordie from Gym Class, She’s Looking For Her Checkbook

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Gentle Readers,

I haven’t been the best blogger this week.  I would offer a better excuse but the simple truth is that I’ve had 160 pounds of Labrador in the World’s Smallest Apartment, and while that may seem funner than Disneyland, please bear in mind that Cody is our escape artist (twice this week) and sheds so much I frankly don’t understand how he isn’t bald.

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But he is very sweet.  And has HUGE feet.  (I love their feet and their ears.  I’m sick, I know.)

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And eternally happy, despite the lack of tennis ball time this week.

Cooper has been a bit jealous, what with Cody encroaching on his space, so we’ve had a few exciting moments where Cooper has stood up for himself and kept Cody from taking up with me.  I belong to Cooper, and he intends to make sure blondie here knows it.

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He’s a little bit of a wimp, but he’s handsome.  And doesn’t shed as much.

So I’ve been spending the week feeding and watering two Labradors (their favorite game is “Competitive Drinking” where they both stand at the same water dish and slurp water as fast as they can until one stops, a game which I believe originated at a fraternity party somewhere) (for the record, I have two HUGE water dishes out and keep them full at all times…) and trying to keep the dog fur down to a dull roar by sweeping the floor TWICE A DAY.  And I still have blonde dog fur tumbleweeds scattered apart around the apartment.

And I’ve been trying like a mad woman to get laundry done, but it is EXTREMELY challenging, erm, fun with two dogs to help you by coating all the fresh laundry in fur.

And then I’ve been preparing for a class that I’m in next week.  I’m a bit terrified of that, folks.  I don’t think I’m ready, I don’t know that anybody ever feels “ready” for the Thing that is The Subject of the class that I am in next week.  But it is an educational program, so hopefully the directors aren’t expecting perfection right out of the bat.  If they are, I’m pretty sure they are going to be disappointed.

Anyway, due to the Thing that I am attending next week, blogging will again be sporadic.  I’ll let you know if anything fun happens.

Goodnight,

Wordie

PS-I’m watching “Toddlers and Tiaras” on Netflix instant.  I don’t know whether to be sad or terrified.  Or both.  There is a kid IN DIAPERS getting  spray tan right now.  The mom just mentioned something about needing to make “improvements” on her TODDLER.  But it’s a little like a train wreck.  You just can’t help looking.

We Survived The Weekend

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Gentle Readers,

Just a quick update to let you know that we survived the weekend despite Cody deciding to sprint around the parking lot COMPLETELY (for the first time ever) IGNORING the tennis ball with which P was trying to lure him back into The Word’s Smallest Apartment, and an unfortunate incident with a pizza delivery dude who was terrified of Labrador snuggles.

One of the pair has a bit of an upset tummy (I have my suspicions) and frankly, I’m beat and my apartment has a faint smell of, well, Labrador upset tummy.  People, I feel as though I have been COMPLETELY PREPARED for an infant, should I ever meet the father of said infant, by these two.  If it’s gross, I’ve seen it, smelled it, and had it under my fingernails.

Cody has assumed the job of sleeping up on the big bed with me, and while I’m totally fine with that, he hasn’t been trained on The Rules.  The Rules consist of:

1.  I get in the big bed first.

2.  I get settled in the bed first.  Pillows arranged, blankets pulled up, head on pillow.

3.  Then The Beast gets in the big bed.

4.  I’m a flipper.  I flip A LOT.  And so when the “OFF!” command is shouted, it is not ignored.  The Beast hops off, lets me flip, then hops back on.

Cooper and I have perfected this system.  He understands and obeys perfectly.  Cody really views the rules as a jumping off point for “negotiations” meaning he hears the command and thinks about it while he moves to the direct center of the bed and curls back up.  My back now goes in three different directions and I’m not sure it was supposed to do that.

Anyway, I’m going to try to beat Cody into the bed.

Goodnight,

Wordie

At The End Of Day One

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Gentle Readers,

So both halves of C & C Excavation and Furniture Moving Company have been here with me in The World’s Smallest Apartment for a whole day.  They’re spending a little bit of time here because my floors were too clean and the Pledge company actually forbade me from purchasing any more of their products because my furniture was just so lemony fresh.

Not.  Any.  More.

Last night, despite their usual bedtime snack of a graham cracker each (dispensed bite by bite in an alternating fashion by my daddy or by me if daddy’s not available and an exhaustive search for him yields no results), I had to resort to bribery in the form of a “good” rawhide to get Yellow Dog to Just.  Be.  Still.

(Yes it’s a repeat, but pictures of the pair of them are just so much fun.)

And here’s where you realize that it’s pretty sad that your creatures have forced you into a system of rawhide classification.  There are the “regular” rawhides purchased in bulk at Sam’s or Costco, which basically were the reason that they survived puppyhood (or the reason our walls survived their puppyhood), and then there are the more expensive, special, “good” rawhides that cost like $4 a piece, and are reserved for times when you can’t stand it one more minute.

Andy, in case you are wondering, my silence can be bribed with Cole Haans.

Anyway, today I had some work I had to do and some errands to run (Andy, the Violet textured peep toe in a size 7.5…) so the boys were left to their own devices here in The World’s Smallest Apartment for 6 whole hours.  (Cooper has always been a “stay at home dog”, from a puppy.  Cody was spoiled by the fact that first daddy’s work was very close, and he came home every lunchtime to let him out and throw the ball for him, and then mama worked from home until they sold their Suburban Paradise Bungalow and built Rancho de Geezer, where he has complete roam over 5 acres of middle-of-nowhere wooded bliss.  So these workdays are going to be new to him.)

P, those curtain rods you hung?  Well-done, Sir!  They’re hanging in there, and I can’t be certain, but I think that the boys swung around on the curtains in my room.  One of them was found flung over one of my bookcases in a way that I’m pretty sure I would NEVER do, and the other half of the set was found, ironically, in the laundry basket suspiciously COATED IN YELLOW DOG FUR.  I have no idea how this curtain wound up there without significant structural damage to the apartment, let alone with the curtain rod still in place.

And, all of the living room curtains were wide open.

This is the C & C Threat Management System.  Yellow Dog, being taller, takes the high altitude staring and the Black Dog, being, um, stouter, handles ground-level threat management, thus ensuring complete safety at all levels.

Anyway, now, we’re waiting on P to come over for the first half of the last Harry Potter cinematic installment, and playing a really great game of Snarl.

I can’t be sure, but I think by being the one left on the (extra large) dog bed WITH the dragon means Cooper won that round.

Goodnight,

Wordie

 

Insert Kicky Blog Post Here

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Your writer has a headache and you should be out voting.  So, imagine something hilarious about my trip down to Houston this weekend, it might have happened.  Imagine me shopping, because that DEFINITELY happened, and go do your civic duty!

Goodnight,

Wordie