So last night, the parentals and I went (with some good friends at the ranch) to a Casino Night Benefit and Silent Auction benefitting the Humane Society. I assume it was the Humane Society of Henderson County, but the signage was sketchy on the details. The people running the thing seemed honest enough, and our friends were table sponsors, so we’re pretty sure that our money went to some kind of worthy cause. After all, it is Henderson County and the people there are beyond nice and honest and friendly.
After enjoying several glasses of wine and margaritas, I decided it was time to introduce my mama, the Woman Who Taught Me How To Shop Amen, to the Ways of the Silent Auction. My friend A and I perfected our system for winning silent auctions in lifesavers school. Mostly it involved alcohol. And us consuming enough of it that numbers didn’t make so much sense anymore. If there is anything I like better than shopping, it’s COMPETITIVE SHOPPING. So mom and I (mostly I) started writing our names and bids on things.
We discovered several things:
1. The people of Henderson County are really nice. Once one person bid on something, it was like, off limits or something. Clearly, A and I need to make some kind of instructional video for the good folk of Henderson County. I, I mean, “We” won every lot on which we bid, except for a cheeseboard which I bid on because it was cheap, though it went with NOTHING in my home decor. But doesn’t everybody NEED a paisley glass cheeseboard with matching cheese knife?
2. The only items that really received serious bidding action were sports related memorabilia. Which is interesting because there were a LOT of women there, and Father’s Day has long past. They did have an autographed photograph of the one famous fight that Nolan Ryan got into on the mound. Dad had to explain it was famous to me, so I’m sorta thinking that “famous” is a pretty strong word. There was also a photograph of Tom Landry talking on the sidelines to a much-younger Roger Staubach, both of whom are near-deities in our world, so that would have been worth thousands to me had the benefit had hard liquor. (Those margaritas didn’t count.)
3. People don’t bid as high at the Humane Society Auction as they do at the WLC Lifesavers School auction. I think that the reason for this is because of the absence of hard liquor. (A, let’s be sure to include a section on that in our instructional video.)
4. Everybody had a fantastic time, and lots of money was raised for the Humane Society. Which is the ultimate point. Except, I did win THIS:
Forgive me. We have established my lack of relation to Ansel Adams. And the iPhone camera suffers from a similar genetic fate.
Anyway, got my “Speak no evil, see no evil, hear no evil” monkey statue, (which I am accumulating quite a collection of-when my Lifesavers practice grows big enough for like, real office space, the collection will move there. Fitting.), and that’s what really matters. I had several “spotters” walking by throughout the night (another section in our video, A) to make sure that my, I mean “our”, bid was still the highest. There was no need, except for some mild excitement when some unidentified woman in a Hawaiian shirt STOPPED AND LOOKED LONG AND HARD AT MY MONKEYS. But she didn’t bid. I’m pretty sure that my mom thwacking her in the head with her purse was an accident. (Oh, I kid.)
Anyway, the point of all of this, if there ever was one (seriously in doubt…) was to love your animals. And help your local shelter-whichever national organization it happens to belong to. (Especically if it belongs to the SPCA…if we go out and adopt all of their animals, they’ll stop airing those commercials with those sad songs and the terrible pictures which make me cry, despite changing the channels because I know that still, somewhere, there is a sweet little doe-eyed puppy not being petted as is his constitutional right.) We love our critters, as has been repeatedly demonstrated on this blog, even when they are trying hard to be unlovable. If you lack a menagerie of your own, I encourage you to go check out your local shelter (see SPCA analysis above) and either adopt, or if actually belonging to an animal isn’t right for you at this point in your life, consider volunteering. Just petting the critters helps both them and you. And will help me stop crying at television commercials. Thanks in advance.
PS-there might be sporadic blogging this week, there is a big Lifesavers thing going on this week…so, go to your shelter and pet the critters instead. And Andy, keep practicing by reading old posts.