Almost There!

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Gentle Readers,

Today, you stared down The Lion.  You slayed The Lion.  I AM SO PROUD OF YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  IT’S DONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

If today was your last exam day, go and celebrate.  You have earned it.  More “what now” advice coming after all of the exams are over.  I know at least two of you still have one more day.  And therefore, you get the bulk of my time, love, and attention today.

About the MBE.  If it didn’t go well for you, DO NOT LET THIS GET INTO YOUR HEAD.  Thursday is a totally different test.  New day, new at-bat.  Hit it hard.  KEEP GOING!!!!!!!!!!!  Yes, you DO know this stuff, despite what you might think after having taken the MBE.  If you are certain that you got 10 questions right on the MBE, you are 9 questions ahead of the number I was certain I got right.  That’s just the way the test goes.  It’s crafty like that.  You did get more questions right than you think you did.  I know.  If the MBE went well, rocked your socks, and you want to take ANOTHER ONE, have the hotel concierge drive you to the nearest psychiatric in-patient care facility, posthaste.  But know that I am SO PROUD OF YOU, for rocking that MBE, even if you are now doing group therapy via finger painting.

This is when it’s getting REALLY tiring.  I know.  You can’t sleep, but you’re exhausted.  Tomorrow, if it’s a full day for you, I want to prepare you.  Hit the morning stuff HARD.  Be your finest Lifesaver self.  Expand the universe of Lifesavers knowledge-cite cases, make the grader understand that YOU should be grading THEM.  Come up with creative argument and advocacy that will one day be commonly taught in Lifesavers Schools across the land.  It’s going to be fantastic.

And then you’ll go to lunch.  And that, ladies and gentlemens, is when the anvil will fall upon your head.

After lunch break tomorrow, you will not care.  You won’t “remember” anything, and you won’t care that you don’t.  All you want is for the clock to tick by and for 5:00 to finally arrive.  You might or might not contemplate reading the remaining questions intently, and then writing essays about your first crush, your favorite party in college, and why it is that you would in fact be the perfect tightrope walker in the circus.  And even those essays wouldn’t be in coherent, cogent sentences.    So, your strategy for the afternoon should be to survive.

While I normally do not advocate the studying of anything during the lunch, I’m going to make one suggestion.  If, as in my state, by process of elimination, you will know the topics tested in the afternoon, go back through your little pre printed outline for those subjects.  Put the vocab words, and any MAJOR topics (the “mule moments murpetuities” is NOT a major concept…in fact, if that subject is one of your afternoon subjects do not try to put all those rules back in your head, just focus on the vocab words for the subject that rhymes with “moperty”) back in your short term memory.  Do NOT focus on the definitions, just remember the words.

“But, Wordie, we’re not going to be asked just to list the vocab words.  I need to study definitions.”  NO, lambie.  No you do not.  Because you won’t remember them, and even if you could, you will be too tired to really give the concepts proper treatment.  Now, now is the time for a bit of a survival technique.

For your afternoon exams, unless they are the subject about which you are an expert and can therefore talk about in your sleep, your essays aren’t going to make much sense anyway.  So spend a LOT of time organizing the essay-more than you did in the AM, when you were fresh and raring to go.  Make sure you follow the formula that the review course that all of you took gave you.  To the letter.  The last afternoon is NOT the time to go rogue.  This is not a test of creative writing.  Formulaic and filled with vocab words with little analysis is about the best you can hope for in the last afternoon essays.  Make it easy for the grader, that’s going to be your afternoon path to victory.  Give them a conclusion (hopefully the right one, but that is an aspirational goal), give them complete sentences that are filled with words that you do NOT hear from The Bieber, (cannot stress that part enough…), and give them vocab words.  This will accomplish two things:  1.  The grader will know you don’t quite understand or remember the whole thing, but you paid at least enough attention to know what the concepts are, so that when this topic hits you in the real Lifesavers world, you’ll know what to go look up.  and 2.  It won’t pis, erm, make the grader mad that he has to read a wandering rambling essay which confirms, without a doubt, for him that you both don’t know what you are talking about and you don’t know how to efficiently get the information you might need to speak to a client intelligently about said subject.  And that you don’t care about the grader’s time and overall job satisfaction.

To give you a real world example, my last essay was about the subject that rhymes with “moil and mass”.  I know NOTHING about “moil and mass”.  Still don’t.  This is fine because it never comes up in the Butter Rum section of Lifesavers Rabble Rousing.  I used the formula, I used the vocab words, and filled in the space around them with complete sentences and multisyllabic words.  I am pretty sure that most of my sentences were in english, but I’m not 100% certain.  I do know that if the grader took time to read my essay in detail, it would have been a true highlight of his day, perhaps going up on the Wall of Shameful Essays that I’m pretty sure they have down at Lifesavers Headquarters.

So, that’s your strategy for the afternoon of THE LAST DAY OF THE EXAM!!!!!!

Until you take a three-day bar exam, you cannot know the level of exhaustion.  Sure, it’s only one more day.  (Or so you two day-ers think.)  But it is a LOT of “only” one more day.  I have been there.  I know what you feel.  My only advice is to just keep plodding along.  I will tell you that it eventually will be over.

After tomorrow, this will all be a distant memory.  I promise.  I KNOW YOU!!!!!   I BELIEVE IN YOU!!!!!!!!   YOU CAN DO THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Love and Belief,


3 thoughts on “Almost There!

  1. My favorite part of the whole exam was when they had you sign this thing saying you either would or wouldn’t let them use your answers as model answers for future test takers. I of course told them I would, because realistically there is no danger of this ever happening ever ever ever. 🙂

  2. My favorite part was when they read the seventeen pages of instructions before every single segment of the test. The first day, you have one 90 minute exam, NO BREAK (come on guys…), and then another 90 minute exam. That meant we got to hear 34 pages worth of instructions (“this portion of the exam should be completed in #2 pencil, failure to do so may result in your exam not being graded” and clearly the instructions said something to the effect of “pause, look around and make sure nobody is racing to the pencil sharpener or offering $50 for a pencil”, and then continued, “if you finish early, you may not work on any other part of the exam, you may quietly review your answers to THIS PORTION OF THE EXAM ONLY.” 1. You already took away my other exam, HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO WORK ON THAT? You made me check my wand at the door, Miss McGonagall. and 2. WHY IN THE WORLD WOULD I WANT TO EVER, EVER LOOK AT THAT AGAIN??????? Like, for some reason, for my jollies, I put a fake answer down to see if I would have time to race back and change it at the last minute?) and then 34 pages of closing instructions (only Lifesavers exams have instructions on how to LEAVE THE FREAKING EXAM…) And then we had to write out the Texas honor code on every exam answer sheet and maybe exam book, too. By the end of the exam, all of my lack of sleep, stress, jacked up hormones, and general surliness with life at that point, was focused on the same monotone lady who read those darn directions each time, and I swear, I wanted to punch her. Physically punch her. This is unusual for me. I prefer to exact revenge in subtler ways.

  3. Pingback: Rest In Peace « plentyofwordsforyou

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